


caeruleus

by miyuseway



Category: Fire Emblem Series, Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Alternate Universe, Banter, Gen, M/M, Pining, Prerelease, Vague Ending, catch me writing about a plot point that 100 percent won't happen like this, felix is bad at feelings, ladies.... gentlemen... chiefs....
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-15
Updated: 2019-06-15
Packaged: 2020-05-12 01:53:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,327
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19219204
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/miyuseway/pseuds/miyuseway
Summary: The Blue Lions return from a mission.





	caeruleus

Felix has always trusted his intuition.

He supposes that he can understand why people would believe that the idea of “gut feelings” are baseless; still, it’s never pointed him in the wrong direction. He could take a quick glance at someone and get a general idea of how strong they were, and once he knows that, he could figure out if he has the ability to beat them up in a duel--or vice versa. Sometimes he can tell when the food in the dining hall isn’t up to its usual standards, or if a certain gray haired boy and a certain orange haired girl were trying to prank him (though with the way they giggle and nudge each other, a person would have to be a fool to not notice their plans). So, really, he doesn’t have any reason to _not_ trust it.

So when he gets that gut feeling about a trip that his teacher offers to take the Blue Lions on, he annoys the hell out of Dimitri until he lets him skip the mission. It’s a quick affair, because he apparently has caught Dimitri on a good day:

_“I’m not going to do this again for you, okay? The whole point of this academy is to get stronger as a team,” Dimitri says, eyes trained on cleaning his lance. He doesn’t look upset; at the most, he seems a bit exasperated._

_Felix snorts. “So why are you going along with me now?”_

_He actually seems to contemplate his answer, stopping his movements and closing his eyes in deep thought. Then, Dimitri makes eye contact with and says, earnestly, “I suppose I just find it hard to say no to you.”_

_Felix can feel his face start to flush, and he wonders if--_

Anyway.

Dimitri has to make up some excuse to Byleth about how Felix can’t go with them because of allergies or whatever. He’s probably spouting some bullshit that is a touch more thought out than that, but Felix isn’t paying full attention. His housemates are distracting him with their negativity.

“Man, this sucks! You suck!” Sylvain whines like the small child that he is.

“Oh, shut up. I get to have a free pass because I’ve actually been doing work,” Felix says, and flicks the other boy on the forehead, causing him to yelp. “Every time we go into a skirmish, you’re out getting lost in the woods. Honestly, what the hell are you trying to look for in there?”

“Language,” Mercedes pipes in before going back to her book. She doesn’t seem to care about the whole ordeal as much as _some_ people did.

“I’m not getting lost! There are girls in there that needs saving!” What.

“Huh?” Annette, who was previously pouting at Felix with a fervor, directs her attention to Sylvain. “You think there’s just random girls in the forests? What? How does that make sense?”

“Listen, it’s not exactly a proven science, but--”

Byleth coughs very loudly, and immediately his housemates are called to attention. Gods, Felix isn’t even going and he feels his back straighten up at the sound. It’s impressive, truly, that someone could garner so much respect from a group of people in such a short amount of time, but that isn’t something that he would ever say out loud. “Let’s go. I don’t want to waste any time.”

Everyone files out of the entrance hallway, conversations reduced to a light murmur, with the professor holding the door open for them.

But before leaving, Byleth turns back and stares at Felix with a certain expression that makes his throat feel dry, because there’s an underlying emotion in there that he can’t quite place.

He tries to get himself to speak, but when he finally feels his voice coming back to him, it’s far too late. The door has closed, and they have all already left.

* * *

There is a loud commotion that catches his attention.

No, it doesn’t make him anxious. That’s just… the adrenaline. He isn’t worried, _he isn’t_ , even though it’s been a while since his housemates left. They don’t usually take this long, but it’s fine. Felix is making it a bigger deal than it actually is.

He’s about to continue practicing when he feels someone _crash_ into him. He stumbles back, and while there’s an insult already on the tip of his tongue, it dies out when he gets a second look at this person. “Ingrid?”

“Felix,” she says shakily. Something in him seizes up when he realizes that he couldn’t tell it was her because of all the dirt and blood on her face. “Dimitri, he…”

He doesn’t stay to hear the rest. He gently pushes her towards one of the benches on the grounds, urges her to sit down, and runs.

It aches. Felix has already been practicing for who knows how long, and his muscles are sore from exhaustion. As he draws closer to the front of the school, he can feel his heart start to pound faster and faster with each step.

A crowd is already beginning to form at the entrance. It’s not that big, but it still takes some effort to push through the other students; in fact, out of exhaustion, he stumbles and trips into most of them. As he snaps out a curt apology, he finally reaches his housemates and his professor.

They all look terrible. It isn’t just the grime on them, either. They seem so _exhausted_ . All of the energy that Sylvain was displaying earlier had vanished, and it’s been replaced with a hopelessness that cuts right to the heart. Mercedes is holding both Ashe and Annette in her arms, and even though Annette is holding her face firmly in her hands, Felix can tell she’s crying by the light sobs that slip through her fingers. On the other hand, while Dedue has always maintained a stoic air, he’s never looked this _somber_ before.

And Dimitri isn’t even _here._

“Professor, what happened?” he says, and he is trying to keep his voice as neutral as possible but his hands are also shaking and it’s _so_ hard to keep track of both things at the same time. “Where is he?”

His teacher looks uncharacteristically shellshocked, too, which doesn’t serve to make Felix feel better. “It… wasn’t supposed to happen like that. I thought I prevented it, but something _changed,_ and I--I didn’t know it would happen _after_ \--”

“What are you even _talking_ about?!” he yells, and from the corner of his eye he can see Ashe flinch. “Just answer me!”

Dedue places a steadying hand on his shoulder, and explains quietly. “We were ambushed on the way home, Felix. We were able to defend ourselves, but His Highness took the brunt of the initial attack, and he’s been severely injured. They had to rush him to the infirmary.”

Felix gives himself a second to process the information. Thank the Goddess that Dimitri isn’t _dead_ , but… he should have convinced everyone else to stay at the monastery, too. If he did, then everyone wouldn’t be so upset, and Dimitri wouldn’t be…

“I’m going to go see him. I need to make sure he’s okay.”

Dedue’s frown deepens, and his grip on Felix’s shoulder tightens. “You shouldn’t. He’s going to need to rest.”

“What? You can’t be serious.”

“Felix, please. Don’t let your feelings cloud your judgement.”

He stares at Dedue. Dedue stares back.  “ _Fine._ ”

“Good.” he pauses, then motions for Felix to look at their fellow housemates. They look as unsure as Felix currently feels. “... It’s hard for us too, you know.”

* * *

It’s been a couple days since _the incident,_ or whatever it is that people want to call it. Felix doesn’t really care. When he catches people gossiping about it, he shuts the discussion down immediately with a venomous glare and some words that would make his mother faint. Normally, Mercedes would chide him for his behavior, but she’s been letting it slide during these occasions. It seems like she’s just as upset by these people as he is; she’s just better at hiding it.

None of the Blue Lions have seen Dimitri in that timespan, either. He was moved from bedrest in the infirmary to bedrest in his room after the first day, which is fine. But the first time they tried to talk to him after what had happened, Dimitri had requested very formally that they leave him alone.

_Dimitri’s voice is clear and articulate, despite the door and the wall separating him from his housemates. “I appreciate your concern, everyone, but right now, what I need the most is rest. Perhaps you all can come in some other time…?”_

Felix knows for a fact that Dimitri never talks that way unless he’s trying to be professional or trying to distance himself, and Felix is also pretty sure that he’s doing the latter. Unfortunately for him, Felix is nothing but persistent, especially when he’s worried about something (and truth be told, he has been worrying about this for a while now, to the point where it’s aging like a fine wine).

It’s around day three or four when Felix bites the bullet and knocks on Dimitri’s door by himself.

His hands are starting to get clammy, but he wills himself to knock a second time. “Hey, Dimitri? It’s Felix.”

It takes a couple of minutes before he gets a response. “I’m sorry to say this, but I still need to rest some more, so--”

Felix groans.  “Stop trying to push us all away, alright? I know what you’re doing.”

“Felix--”  
“And yeah, you have to rest, but I-- _we’re_ worried for you! I mean, for the love of the Goddess, you’re our leader, and--”

“ _Please,_ just… go away,” he says, and this time the request ends with a whimper, and all of the frustration that Felix feels immediately melts away. In all the years that they’ve known each other, he’s _never_ heard Dimitri sound like that. He can’t stand it. It doesn’t sound right. “I don’t want you to see me like this. I… I don’t look very good.”

So that’s what this has all been about? His injuries? It’s not anything unheard of, because the rest of the Blue Lions have had their fair share of broken bones and scratches. Is it really that bad?

“Dimitri, whatever is going on with you, I promise I don’t care. You’re--” Felix fidgets with his hands. He knows what he wants to say-- _you’re my best friend, you’re important to me--_ but he can’t. His inner thoughts get lodged in his throat no matter how much he tries to force it out. “--our leader. I won’t let anything change how I view you.”

Although he can hear some students laughing and talking in the next hallway, somehow it’s still quiet enough that the tension in the air feels palpable.

He’s just about to give up when Dimitri finally says, “Come in.”

Felix takes a deep breath, and slowly opens the door.

Dimitri has always been taller than him, much to Felix’s chagrin, but right now, he’s hunched over himself on his bed, and he looks startlingly frail. Bandages are wrapped around his left arm, and small scars litter his torso. There’s a particularly large bandage going across his abdomen, and he can only assume that that’s going to scar very badly.

Felix almost thinks that that’s the worst of the damage, until Dimitri looks up at him. He has to stifle a gasp, because instead of two bright, blue eyes staring at him, there’s just _one._ The other is covered in a bandage, and if he looks closely, he can see the end of a jagged scar line peeking out of one side.

“Gods,” Dimitri starts to tilt his head away, trying to hide his face. The shock that Felix felt must have been obvious. “I’m hideous, aren’t I?”

“You aren’t hideous,” Felix says quickly, taking a seat on a nearby desk chair. _How could he even think of himself like that?_ The other boy laughs without humor, clearly not believing any of it. “Dimitri, you’re not. Don’t say that.”

“You know, it makes my depth perception awful, too. It’s hard to gauge how far things are anymore.”

“Y-Yeah...?” It’s a feeble attempt at affirmation, but he doesn't know what to say.

“Honestly, I don’t know how I can stay at a military academy like this, and--” he chokes out the rest of his sentence with an urgency-- “I-I don’t know how I can _rule Faerghus_ like this!”

Felix wonders if there’s an alternate universe where he’s just a little more bolder. He’d have the confidence to tell Dimitri that he is nothing short of handsome, that he has always thought of Dimitri as someone he’d follow to the ends of the earth, and that he trusts him to rule Faerghus. Felix would be so clear about it that his words would actually reach Dimitri, and he would finally realize just how _good_ he is and he would stop thinking so lowly of himself. And maybe, in the end, Felix would even admit outright that he has been in love with him for the past five years of his life.

But that’s not the world that they live in, and for all the insults and boasts that Felix hurls everywhere, he is truly, at heart, a coward.

Instead, he stands back up, and gathers Dimitri up into a hug. His childhood friend briefly stiffens at the touch.

“It’ll be fine,” Felix says, though he isn’t so sure he believes that himself. “It’s going to be fine.”

Dimitri hesitates, for a moment. Then, he wraps his arms around Felix, and begins to cry.

* * *

(Byleth kneels, staring at the floor. “I... I think it just went differently because one person wasn’t there. Please. Let me try again.”

Sothis looks down from her throne, and thinks about it for a moment. “As you wish.”)

**Author's Note:**

> alternate title: dimitri more like dmtri (haha gottem)


End file.
